Self love is one of the simplest ways to be happy – period.

If you love yourself – you suddenly have less tolerance to anything which threatens that love. When you love yourself, the confidence that comes with this draws people towards you. If you love yourself – you will show others which kind of love you deserve and in turn, you will receive only the love you feel you deserve from others. Loving yourself is just so damn important and it needs to be encouraged more.

We are our own worst critics and can really put ourselves down easily. For this reason, loving yourself is much harder than it seems – but when practiced often, it becomes second nature and becomes key to our well being.

Don’t get me wrong – I sure as hell don’t love myself as much as I should. I put myself down – don’t think I do things well – doubt myself and compare myself to others sometimes – but ultimately I have gotten much better at patting myself on the back when I do do things well and telling myself that I am actually quite good at some things. Working in the field I do has taught me that being kind to yourself is really important and below I am going to share some of the most simple, yet effective ways to start loving yourself more.

1. Let go of the things that hurt you.

This was something I did a whole post about because essentially, what you let in and allow is what will continue and what you let go of – will ultimately start to show you what you deserve, helping you feel worthy of great things!

2. ME TIME!

Oh SO IMPORTANT! (I know I say everything is important but IT IS!!) Give yourself time every single day to do what makes YOU happy. Whether it be going to the gym, meditating, yoga, HAVING A CUP OF TEA WITH YOUR FAVOURITE SERIES ON (This ones mine!!) – just do it! Don’t feel guilty for wanting your own time. I have gotten much better at saying no to others when I want my own time – especially my friends and family. I know every night I need that time to myself to unwind and it really does contribute to my well being.

3. Challenge your negative self talk.

If you’re someone who puts themselves down often – ask yourself – am I right in thinking this? What would I say to a friend if he/she said this to me? Is it worth thinking like this about myself? What is the evidence against this thought? Catch unhelpful thoughts and sometimes – allow them to just pass. What you give your attention to can consume you.

4. Distance yourself from people who threaten your joy.

Remove toxic people from your life or just distance yourself – simple. I had so many people who felt the need to have an opinion on me when I was growing up and I can definitely say when I started to get rid of these people – I started to learn how to love myself better.

5. Make goals for your life and work on them EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Okay maybe not every day – because that’s just unrealistic but have a purpose and set some goals. What do you want to achieve? How will you get there? What do you need to do? DO IT. Seeing yourself achieve all the things you are dreaming of/working for will only increase your faith in yourself and confidence! These goals can be small or big, but ask yourself, are you living the life you want? If the answer is no – how will you get there?

6. Try hard not to compare yourself to others.

So that person is pretty or seems to have it all worked out – so will you – in your own time. I once read this quote I found so useful – “Stop comparing your chapter 1 to someone elses chapter 15.” So so true – when I started blogging I would compare my blog to people who had been doing it for years and feel disheartened but how could I when i’m not even in the same place as them? Stop looking out and look in – look on how you can get there or do better and you’ll feel so much more motivated and less self conscious about yourself and your abilities.

7. Forgive yourself.

Learn to let go of anything you have done that you may feel bad about or feel you should not have done. Maybe a failed relationship, argument or difficult situation. Punishing yourself over something you no longer can change will only make you feel worse and in turn, make you really dislike yourself. You’re human, not perfect and it’s okay that you did what you did. It’s life and the sooner you learn to move on from it, the closer you are to being kinder to yourself and loving yourself more.

8. Invest in fulfilling relationships.

Spend more time with people that make you feel good about yourself – simple. Guys my confidence has been at an all time low in the past and honestly now – although i’m the same person, I feel so good about myself because I have people cheering me on – and they’re the type of people you need.  I spend time with people I love and people that genuinely love me, with no hidden agendas. People  that support me through the good and bad and always make time to show me I am great – as are you. Find your team and do not let go.

9. Invest time in doing what you love.

Do you have a hobby or something that really makes you feel good? Do more of it. Sometimes when we get busy with life, we can withdraw and stop doing the things we used to love, simply because we feel we don’t have time – MAKE TIME. I started blogging and really loved it – I  took some time out which was needed but then I realised, the more time I took out, the easier it was not to get back in to it – and I clearly remember, it made  me feel worse as at one point, blogging did give me a great purpose to keep achieving something regularly. Do what you love and you will start loving yourself more – guaranteed. Invest time in YOU.

10. Keep a folder of compliments and regularly revisit these.

This may sound a bit weird but at work I have a folder of all the great feedback  I have received and in my phone I have a folder of feedback on my blog. When I stopped blogging it was looking back at these comments/messages which made me feel good about myself and made me want to start again. It’s sometimes so surprisingly uplifting to see the positives others have said about you as we usually can be quite negative about ourselves but seeing how we may have impacted others can be really motivating to keep going.

11. Do something good for others.

One way you can really love yourself is when you see the good you do for others. It’s a bit strange that it takes doing something for someone else to make you feel good – but inevitably it does. If you see that you’re caring or respectful and sensitive to others needs, you can really become kinder to yourself and see yourself for just how good you are. What action will you do this week to be good to another?

12. Read fiction books.

I won’t lie – I stole this one from something I saw online but felt it was so fitting. I recently have gotten in to reading before bed – even for 10 minutes if I can and honestly, getting away from the noise, your phone, the day, your thoughts and just imagining whatever you’re reading in this book can be incredibly satisfying and really help you feel more in tune with yourself. If you don’t read – take just 10 minutes to really get lost in a moment of your own – without your phone or anyone else around every night before bed.

13. Care as much about yourself as you do others.

You deserve the love you so freely give out so make sure you give yourself it too and take care of yourself, so you never have to rely on someone else to. Remember, it is not selfish – it is necessary.

14. If you’re not happy with something about yourself – change it.

If you’re not happy with your weight, try to lose it. If you have skin problems, go to a dermatologist and see if they can help you. I have talked about my insecurities about my teeth before on here and honestly – getting braces changed my life, simply because it made me feel better about myself. Don’t get me wrong – I equally think accepting flaws and things we can’t change is just as important but if you want something to change and have the capacity to do it – why not? Invest the money, time and effort in to yourself, instead of everything else.

15. Learn to say NO to others.

Assertiveness is something I have yet to master but I can definitely say – the more assertive I have been, the more self love and self respect I have practiced. Learn to say NO to people that push your boundaries or to things which make you feel overwhelmed. It is so hard to do this when you always want to please people but by saying no, you’re protecting yourself.

16. Learn to be more grateful.

Recently a friend said to me that she has started to replace all her “I have to” sentences with “I get to”. Such a simple shift in thinking but I can really see how powerful this could be. So rather than thinking “I have to get up for work”, how about changing it to “I get to get up for work.” or “I have to make dinner tonight” to “I get to make dinner”, similarly, “I have to finish my coursework”, maybe “I get to do coursework” – you get my drift. This helps us see daily that actually, no matter what we are going through – we are still blessed with things others yearn for. There is always someone worse off than you – never forget this.

So there you have it – my simple steps to loving yourself more. I am sure if I sat here for longer we could make an endless list of things you can do to love yourself more but I guess we can all start somewhere.

What things do you do for yourself? How do you practise self love? Do you love yourself enough? Let me know below as I would love to take on some more ideas!

As always, thank you for reading and catch you soon!<3

Hello everybody!

I hope you’re all well and still enjoying the heat we are experiencing in SEPTEMBER (can this never end please?).

So today I am talking about letting go. Ah, such an important part of growth and development in our lives. I have no idea why I wanted to write about this in particular but I guess I have personally found how liberating letting go can be and at times, I feel people can be too scared to let go due to the fear of the unknown. For this reason, I am hoping this post may inspire you if you feel stuck in a situation of any kind that you’re finding difficult to let go of or even if you’re not in this situation, just stay with me – it’s been a while…

Why is it so hard to let go?

It’s simple – humans are creatures of habit. Anything we get used to gives us that feeling of comfort and safety – whether it be a job, relationship, friendship or our environment. A lot of the time when we are safe – we end up finding it difficult to let go. Working as a therapist – I can genuinely say AT LEAST half of the people who come to see me usually have something really unpleasant in their life – I like to call it a stressor. Whether it be a difficult partner, boss at work or family member that repeatedly puts them down – and the very obvious thing you’d think is – MAYBE LET IT GO? Leave the difficult job, get out of a shitty situation or stand up to a difficult person? But I guess when we feel that sense of security somewhere, we become too comfortable and are too scared of what could happen if we didn’t have that thing we are used to around.

People don’t want to leave a difficult job, because they feel they won’t find something better. People don’t leave that destructive relationship, because they feel they’re not worthy of a good relationship. People stay stuck in situations because usually, it can hurt but feel comfortable – compared to the risk of not having it, as it is all we have ever known. The one thing I am here to say which is so so important – LET IT GO. If something makes you sad – it’s simple, let it go. I completely appreciate it is easier said than done but I promise you knowing there IS/WILL BE something better on the other side will give you the courage to take that first step.

If you hate your job – how much worse can it be somewhere new? If you hate how you feel with someone – who says it can’t be better with someone else? If someone has wronged you – how much better may it feel being free of that person?

When did it become easier for me to let go?

As I said earlier, I’ve found a lot of the time – letting go can be very liberating. I read this quote once, which I mentioned in my post about the best advice I had gotten and honestly it completely changed my outlook on things.

“When a thing disturbs the peace of your heart, give it up.” -Prophet Muhammad PBUH.

It is such a simple saying but boy how true? If something ever gives you that feeling of discomfort, sadness or anxiety – why allow it to still be around? Why allow the little time we have here be defined by something which is disturbing your peace of mind so much?

It is THAT damn simple – you get one life (well this type anyway), why make it hard? And honestly from this, it made it so much easier for me to let go of anything that brought discomfort to my life. Anything at all that threatened my joy – because no one or no situation should make you feel that way. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not as simple as that always – but if you put yourself and your feelings first, letting go of anything that disturbs your inner peace becomes second nature.

Now depending on what you’re letting go of, it’s hard and can be difficult – it can feel unfamiliar and scary, but honestly – the more trust you put in yourself and knowing it can get better, the easier it gets to deal with.

When should we let go?

Of course we can’t just start letting go of anything that slightly annoys us (boy do I wish we could aha). The biggest question I ask anyone when they’re in a difficult situation is how much is this behaviour/person/situation helping or hindering you? I guess that is the main thing you need to ask yourself – how much is this situation contributing to your values, happiness, future, plans, dreams? How much is it getting in the way? How much is it affecting you? Is it worth the impact it is having on you?

If you can answer these questions – it may make you decide whether it is time to take the plunge and let go, or stick in their a little longer 🙂

What if you can’t let go?

There are some situations where letting go may not be an option – say like – a difficult job which you cannot leave for whatever reason or a marriage where kids are involved so it’s not as easy to pack up and leave. I guess in these situations I would do two things depending on the situation – if it is something which needs to be solved (such as a marriage problem between two people or the way you’re being treated at work) – set out steps to solving it – avoidance or ignorance is not going to make it better unfortunately. Face up to the fear of whatever you need to do – seek support from friends – seek support from professionals if needed – try to solve it IF YOU CAN.

Sometimes though, when the problem is not as straight forward as being solved – I feel distance is key. Distance for me is a lesser version of letting go. Just distance yourself from the situations that again, disturb that peace in your heart. You can still be involved in the situation or partake in it, but you get to decide how much – it’s on your terms and sometimes that sense of control, can really help in managing your distress and feelings.

It takes courage!

One thing I will say is it will be difficult, it may hurt and it will feel hella weird – but honestly, what is on the other side is often so much more beautiful than the place you’re in right now.

I have NEVER genuinely met someone that has let go of a bad situation which is hindering their growth and regretted it – never ever. In the short term, it’s going to be difficult but in the long term, the outcome can be beautiful. A few things I would advise is:
– Take your time with it and expect it to hurt/be difficult
– Before you let go, predict what may be difficult and what you can do to manage the distress
– Also, predict what could be positive about letting go (this will keep you motivated)
– Keep yourself busy
– Make goals for yourself and what you want to achieve
– If you are going through a rough patch, always try to remind yourself of why you let go
– Speak to people – the most underrated one – speak to people, tell them how you feel – trust me it can be a game changer.

I have a post coming real soon all about loving yourself, this will definitely help with letting go. Also have a look at my post about the best advice I have gotten – a lot of this may help you in letting go. Take that leap of faith and do not be afraid of the unknown as who knows? It could be the best decision you ever make and you will never know unless you learn how to let go!

So there you have it – my thoughts on letting go and hopefully some advice for helping you let go if needed.

Thank you so much for reading as always guys, I really appreciate it <3