The Art of Letting Go…

Hello everybody!

I hope you’re all well and still enjoying the heat we are experiencing in SEPTEMBER (can this never end please?).

So today I am talking about letting go. Ah, such an important part of growth and development in our lives. I have no idea why I wanted to write about this in particular but I guess I have personally found how liberating letting go can be and at times, I feel people can be too scared to let go due to the fear of the unknown. For this reason, I am hoping this post may inspire you if you feel stuck in a situation of any kind that you’re finding difficult to let go of or even if you’re not in this situation, just stay with me – it’s been a while…

Why is it so hard to let go?

It’s simple – humans are creatures of habit. Anything we get used to gives us that feeling of comfort and safety – whether it be a job, relationship, friendship or our environment. A lot of the time when we are safe – we end up finding it difficult to let go. Working as a therapist – I can genuinely say AT LEAST half of the people who come to see me usually have something really unpleasant in their life – I like to call it a stressor. Whether it be a difficult partner, boss at work or family member that repeatedly puts them down – and the very obvious thing you’d think is – MAYBE LET IT GO? Leave the difficult job, get out of a shitty situation or stand up to a difficult person? But I guess when we feel that sense of security somewhere, we become too comfortable and are too scared of what could happen if we didn’t have that thing we are used to around.

People don’t want to leave a difficult job, because they feel they won’t find something better. People don’t leave that destructive relationship, because they feel they’re not worthy of a good relationship. People stay stuck in situations because usually, it can hurt but feel comfortable – compared to the risk of not having it, as it is all we have ever known. The one thing I am here to say which is so so important – LET IT GO. If something makes you sad – it’s simple, let it go. I completely appreciate it is easier said than done but I promise you knowing there IS/WILL BE something better on the other side will give you the courage to take that first step.

If you hate your job – how much worse can it be somewhere new? If you hate how you feel with someone – who says it can’t be better with someone else? If someone has wronged you – how much better may it feel being free of that person?

When did it become easier for me to let go?

As I said earlier, I’ve found a lot of the time – letting go can be very liberating. I read this quote once, which I mentioned in my post about the best advice I had gotten and honestly it completely changed my outlook on things.

“When a thing disturbs the peace of your heart, give it up.” -Prophet Muhammad PBUH.

It is such a simple saying but boy how true? If something ever gives you that feeling of discomfort, sadness or anxiety – why allow it to still be around? Why allow the little time we have here be defined by something which is disturbing your peace of mind so much?

It is THAT damn simple – you get one life (well this type anyway), why make it hard? And honestly from this, it made it so much easier for me to let go of anything that brought discomfort to my life. Anything at all that threatened my joy – because no one or no situation should make you feel that way. Don’t get me wrong – it’s not as simple as that always – but if you put yourself and your feelings first, letting go of anything that disturbs your inner peace becomes second nature.

Now depending on what you’re letting go of, it’s hard and can be difficult – it can feel unfamiliar and scary, but honestly – the more trust you put in yourself and knowing it can get better, the easier it gets to deal with.

When should we let go?

Of course we can’t just start letting go of anything that slightly annoys us (boy do I wish we could aha). The biggest question I ask anyone when they’re in a difficult situation is how much is this behaviour/person/situation helping or hindering you? I guess that is the main thing you need to ask yourself – how much is this situation contributing to your values, happiness, future, plans, dreams? How much is it getting in the way? How much is it affecting you? Is it worth the impact it is having on you?

If you can answer these questions – it may make you decide whether it is time to take the plunge and let go, or stick in their a little longer 🙂

What if you can’t let go?

There are some situations where letting go may not be an option – say like – a difficult job which you cannot leave for whatever reason or a marriage where kids are involved so it’s not as easy to pack up and leave. I guess in these situations I would do two things depending on the situation – if it is something which needs to be solved (such as a marriage problem between two people or the way you’re being treated at work) – set out steps to solving it – avoidance or ignorance is not going to make it better unfortunately. Face up to the fear of whatever you need to do – seek support from friends – seek support from professionals if needed – try to solve it IF YOU CAN.

Sometimes though, when the problem is not as straight forward as being solved – I feel distance is key. Distance for me is a lesser version of letting go. Just distance yourself from the situations that again, disturb that peace in your heart. You can still be involved in the situation or partake in it, but you get to decide how much – it’s on your terms and sometimes that sense of control, can really help in managing your distress and feelings.

It takes courage!

One thing I will say is it will be difficult, it may hurt and it will feel hella weird – but honestly, what is on the other side is often so much more beautiful than the place you’re in right now.

I have NEVER genuinely met someone that has let go of a bad situation which is hindering their growth and regretted it – never ever. In the short term, it’s going to be difficult but in the long term, the outcome can be beautiful. A few things I would advise is:
– Take your time with it and expect it to hurt/be difficult
– Before you let go, predict what may be difficult and what you can do to manage the distress
– Also, predict what could be positive about letting go (this will keep you motivated)
– Keep yourself busy
– Make goals for yourself and what you want to achieve
– If you are going through a rough patch, always try to remind yourself of why you let go
– Speak to people – the most underrated one – speak to people, tell them how you feel – trust me it can be a game changer.

I have a post coming real soon all about loving yourself, this will definitely help with letting go. Also have a look at my post about the best advice I have gotten – a lot of this may help you in letting go. Take that leap of faith and do not be afraid of the unknown as who knows? It could be the best decision you ever make and you will never know unless you learn how to let go!

So there you have it – my thoughts on letting go and hopefully some advice for helping you let go if needed.

Thank you so much for reading as always guys, I really appreciate it <3