Through experiences we tend to flourish and grow and it seems after some time, we really do learn lessons and become different people to what we once were.

I also feel personally, through some of the tough love and advice I’ve received over my years, I have probably grown just as much and to some extent, this has massively shaped who I now am and my values, as well as what I will and will not stand for.

For this reason, in today’s blog post, I am sharing my favourite advice I’ve received through various trials and life in general, just to spread a little inspiration. I’ve also added a few proverbs which have helped me and really defined how I see things now. Who knows, it may even help you a little with what you may be going through or simply something you could pass on to somebody else 🙂

1. Life is short as it is, why make it hard?

This was said to me by my (sometimes wise) fiance. We were having an absolute paddy over how many guests we’d have at our wedding and he said this – and it just changed everything. Like it is so damn true yet simple. Our time here is SO limited, why make it harder than it needs to be? Try not to argue over things that don’t truly matter or spend time worrying about things you can’t control because fun fact, nobody gets out alive. Enjoy the time you have on this planet and just CHILL THE HECK OUT. (Best bit, I can use it on him if he ever gets annoyed with me loool).

2. When a thing disturbs the peace of your heart, give it up.

MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE. AH, always gives me the feels. I came across this years ago and it completely shaped the way I see things. If something (not just a relationship – anything) makes you sad, upset, hurt, disappointed or just feeling uncomfortable – be courageous enough to LET IT GO. I am writing a blog post on this topic in a few weeks so I’ll just leave you with this for now muhaha.

3. You’ve got to pick your battles.

This one was said to me quite recently by a colleague (who is a therapist and oh so wise) and it has taught me so much. Try not to give your attention to every single thing going wrong and just sometimes (much to my dismay) – you just can’t allow everything to get to you. You have to be selective in what you give your energy to, because in turn, it is what will consume you. If you have a shit load of stuff going on right now – what takes priority? and really, what is worth the agg/attention?

4. Time is a healer.

When you’re going through something and someone says this, it’s really not appreciated right? But looking back at all of life’s difficulties, I can happily say time IS a healer. Yeah you may not get over everything (such as a death of a loved one), but overtime, you learn to accept things, become stronger and overcome the worst times in your life. Stick in there guys, I promise it gets better/easier.

5. If you’ve got nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all.

Some of the MANY wise things my older sister has told me. It is so true though – I am someone who is very sensitive to others needs and would never want to hurt anyone unintentionally but I feel sometimes, people can get their kicks out of making others feel rubbish. If you are ever in a situation where you maybe want to criticise someone or say something which they may not take well to – think if it is really necessary?

6. Will it matter 5 years from now?

We use this in therapy a lot when we challenge people’s thoughts but for nearly every single thing you are stressed about, just think – will it actually matter 5 years from now? Most likely, no. This is something I’ve used a lot myself when worrying about the future or things which genuinely will have no impact in 5 years time. This in itself, may not get rid of the thought/worry/stressor, but it can massively impact how intensely you view it.

7. Always put yourself first, because at the end of the day, nobody is going to save you but yourself.

This is another quote I read once and it is SO true. Always put your needs first. ALWAYS ALWAYS. Be selfish and ensure your mental state is content in any situation, because the sad truth, nobody is in charge of your happiness but you. Never ever depend on anyone else for your happiness and never do something in the best interests of someone else because chances are, they wouldn’t do it for you (lol how depressing – BUT TRUE GUYS). A quote I once read which I love: “Happiness is an inside job, don’t assign anyone else that much power over your life.”

8. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.

So so so true. When you see someone who’s happy – don’t think about how lucky they are or how they always have it good, because you never quite know what they’re going through. Life and experiences are what you make them. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve got caught in the trap myself a few times when you end up feeling so down and sorry for yourself. But actually, 90% of time, as I’ve said 10000 times already – it’s all down to what you give your energy to and what you make of a situation. If you turn it into a positive thing or take even one good thing from it, you’ve already won.

9. Take every day at a time.

My little wise owl of a bestie gave me this advice when we were like 16 and I was having some child drama (man I wish life was that easy again), but it is one piece of advice I give out most now – take it easy and one day at a time. If you’re going through a life change, calamity, relationship breakdown – take it one. day. at. a. time. I promise you if you’re sole purpose is to make it to the end of the day and be alright – before you know it, time will have passed and you will be fine.

10. Do what you want, they’ll talk anyway.

This is something which is VERY relevant for the Pakistani community. People are so afraid of doing things for fear of what others will say. Whether you do bad or good, they’ll talk anyway so just do what makes you happy and be done with the rest. They’ll be talking about something else by tomorrow!

11. Everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes I feel like this one is a bit of a cop out tbh. Like it’s a great one for if things turn out bad or good butttt it is true – every single decision you make has an impact on everything else and most of the time, ends up for the good. Whether it be saving you from something that’s not good for you, showing you someones true colours, or making you more wise, it’s happened for a reason.

12. Tough times don’t last, tough people do.

This is again, one of my all time favourites but lately I think I’ve realised what it actually means. I always saw it as – your tough situation won’t last, but tough/difficult people do – so detach yourself because they won’t change. Make sense? Lately I’ve realised I think it’s trying to say that tough times won’t last, but if you’re tough (strong) you’ll withstand anything and continue to be tough. Not quite sure which one it’s referring to but either way I like it.

13. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else?

This is something which has been drilled in to me many times throughout my ~very short~ blogging life. I have SUCH a lack of belief in myself and when you’re putting yourself out there – it’s scary business. However, if I think I can’t or that people won’t like my blog or people won’t want to read – why should they? You NEED to believe in yourself for others to believe in you. One I am still working on.

14. In the end, it will all be alright. And if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

This one is pretty self explanatory, and again, very true. In the end, everything does work out. So just wait, if it’s still not okay, it’s not the end 🙂

Each of these pieces of advice/quotes have helped me through calamities I have been through and just generally helped improve my self confidence and growth. I have gotten better at taking shit from no one and generally being able to cut off from things which don’t feel right. I am so thankful for everyone that continues to give me great advice and honestly (I hate to admit it), I thank the trials for getting me to where I am.

Please let me know of any advice you have been given which has been useful or changed you! I am always wanting to learn!

Until next time,

Tayyeba xx